“Then Jesus lifted up His eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” 6 But this He said to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do.
7 Philip answered Him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.”
8 One of His disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to Him, 9 “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?”
10 Then Jesus said, “Make the people sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. 11 And Jesus took the loaves, and when He had given thanks He distributed them to the disciples, and the disciples to those sitting down; and likewise of the fish, as much as they wanted. 12 So when they were filled, He said to His disciples, “Gather up the fragments that remain, so that nothing is lost.” 13 Therefore they gathered them up, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves which were left over by those who had eaten.”
I had almost nothing in the beginning.
No talent, no leadership abilities, awkward with people and worst of all, no love for people.
I wasn’t naturally gifted to be a leader, but I felt the call of God, and so I obey and took a step of faith and did the best I can.
7 years later…
Still not much talent, still lack leadership abilities, still awkward with people … but boy did my heart really changed from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.
There were tough times, but giving up was never an option.
And there was never a time when God did not produce a miracle or breakthrough when we as a cellgroup cried out to Him.
Same goes for my personal life.
Grew up thinking I have nothing to offer.
Grew up with an elder brother who is so brilliant that nothing I do can impress my parents.
Perhaps I have some giftings, but like the wicked steward in the Bible, I often hid them because of fear and the lack of faith in my Master.
For a very long time, I struggled with my own identity, having used to living my life the way other people expects me to, or living someone else’s life. And slowly becoming the person I do not want to be.
Now, I still think I have nothing much to offer. (Probably like the little boy with 5 loaves and 2 fish)
Now, I still have a brilliant brother that I am so terribly proud of.
But I do not want to hide who I am anymore.
No longer do I want to limit myself by holding on to my little faith.
But whatever faith I have, even if it’s as small as a mustard seed, I want to bring all to Him who is the source of all miracles.
The late Steve Jobs once said this:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
You somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
What I’m going through now is hardly glamorous. Nothing to rave about.
It will probably will be noted by others as the greatest failure of Michelle Yong’s life.
However, as I go through this difficult phase, I finally understood what it means to be broken, and is probably the greatest and most important lesson I’ve learnt and am still learning.
I also learnt how to be thankful.
Words alone cannot express how grateful and thankful to God for all the blessings and miracles that are happening in my life right now. I am so amazed by how good He is to me.
And the friends who stood by me in this difficult season of my life. You have my eternal gratitude. 🙂
It will take forever for me to thank each and every one of you who have been a blessing and huge encouragement to me in this season of my life (there are so many of you!), but I really want to make special mention to the following groups of people who have helped me in my walk to recovery tremendously. (regardless if they read my blog)
Here it goes (in no particular order)…*takes deep breath*
1) EPIC GANG
What? A group of people from W300 that loves to fellowship ALOT.
Who? Core members are Jiasheng (CGL), Michelle, Jiayu, Joyce, Peijin, Raffles, Cheryl and Jessie. Many other special guest appearances.
Slogan? Where LOVE is spelt T-I-M-E.
They are a source of great comfort and strength to me for the past few months.
How I normally deal with grief is through laughter and great company and there’s really no other more awesome group suitable for this job than the EPIC GANG.
Besides all the crazy stuff, I received encouraging cards and smses from them constantly in this season.
(“My First Run” from left: Jiasheng, Jiayu, me and Raffles)
(“Drinking |____|” from left: Cheryl, Jiayu, Daryl, Jiasheng, Joyce, me and Raffles)
(“My Little Handsome Boy Nick”: I love the huge card you made for me. Touched me to tears. Will really miss talking and laughing at your jokes. )
(“Sweet Jessie”: Really appreciate having you in my life. And the little book of encouraging verses was such a great blessing to me!)
A Special Shout Out to EPIC’S JOSHUA LIM JIASHENG
…for REALLY being there for me… helping with packing, cleaning and moving… fetching me from places to places and be my faithful bodyguard against all “enemies” and rising up to shepherd the CG when I’m gone.
You are a 8/10! *wink*
Definitely a SUPER GENTLEMAN and not a … … (hahahahahhahahahhaha)
(Everybody wants a piece of Jiasheng!)
2) CITY COLLEGE
I am very blessed to be part of the City College family.
At City College, I have…
…a CEO who cares
… colleagues who will fight for me and believes in me like Cath, Dawn and Gloria W
… colleagues who prays for me and is a great source of comfort like Gloria G, Lareina and Selena
+ all the rest
WE ARE A FAMILY. 🙂
It has been a great privileged serving with the leaders at LYL/ZY Zone and especially under Yilun.
Being under Yilun’s leadership has taught me so much about loving God and loving people.
And I am very thankful for Yilun. I won’t be able to accomplish so much as a leader without her.
There’s really no other zone I rather be.
Everyone has been very encouraging and kind to me actually… special shout outs to Buddee, Jasmine, Cindy, Elaine G, Jessica and Zi Ying.
And of cos…
(Not forgetting “Jonathan Ashley Ng” : GGMU! A true brother in times of adversities)
4) JANE TOK
If there’s only one thing I can be thankful for this year, it will be for this friendship.
Being a private person, and someone who does not like to show weakness and be a liability to others, there are only a handful who knew about what I am going through way before what I’m going through is out in the open.
While others may fail, she does not, and has proven to be such a great friend in times of my distress.
5) MY FAMILY
Last but not least, I thank God for my family, all 4 of you.
Nothing in this world can/will replace you.
Through this transition I also came to realize how much my family cares and loves me.
I will quickly pick myself up. I want to be an encouragement to them.
Closing Verse (Psalms 51)
“Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions,And my sin is ever before me.
Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.”
P.S Blogging is hard