I am on my second week of rest and this week I am determined to tie up any loose ends and to start living right for 2012.
So far this year has been a hell of a rollercoaster ride for me.
Not knowing what to expect and trying to please everyone around me including God and life is starting to become tiresome.
Putting on a facade seems to be the norm thing to do and sometimes when I try to be real, I face certain oppositions or disapproval.
People says that’s the price for being a leader/high profile person, but if that is true, then none of the heroes in the Bible paid this price, especially King David who wrote many psalms out of his misery.
I am no heroine. I am just a regular person who needs love, care and hope in life.
While I do agree that you shouldn’t broadcast your negativity and emo-ness in a way it will affect the people around you negatively, there’s a difference between being strong and putting up a facade.
Some people seems shocked when I shared openly that now and then I suffer from panic attacks or that I am still in the midst of walking out of my depression.
To be honest, I really don’t think I am alone but just that many people will prefer to put up a fake front just avoid being a “counseling case”.
Ah… such is my desire to please everyone including “God” that I almost lose myself in the process.
The “God” that I am trying to impress is basically still man’s opinions.
I still remember how impacted I was by this message “Cancel the Audition”.
It tells me that not only does God uses me in spite of my weaknesses, He uses me because of them.
Because of them.
Such is the beauty and grace of our God.
And if I was nothing when God called me, what can I do for God to un-called me?
I must stop trying to make God choose me (because He already has), but to get ready for Him to use me.
No longer will I be compel to do things for the sake of doing or to please/honor men, I am determine for the next half of 2012, I am going to start preparing myself for God to use me.
Live Right. Be Real.
What am I going to do next?
1) Spiritual: Make peace with God, not man.
2) Work: Find a job that is fun and can bring out the best in me
3) Ministry: Join Strikeforce Ministry
4) Life: Pursue my happiness
How about you? Are you living right and being real to yourself (and God)?